Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
