i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
