i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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