I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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