Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
