Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
