i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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