I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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