My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
