she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize