I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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