if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
