she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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