I cannot find my penis.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
