I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
