Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
