Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
