he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
