Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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