and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
