I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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