Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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