my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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