Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
