4 words: hood of his car
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I smell like Dick and happiness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
