I faked an abortion last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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