Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
