Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
