I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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