4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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