the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize