the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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