i wish my penis had a tongue
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
