We got so high we made milksteak
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
