i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I want is dick and wine.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize