I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
