From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
