I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
