I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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