did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
