Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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