Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
