Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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