Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
