i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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