It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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