I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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