hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
