I am puke
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When are your genitals available?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
