I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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