i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
porn star boner night. come get it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
