420 ftw
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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