I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
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she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.