My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him