return my video game
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love