She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s