My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize