found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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