Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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