Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
