so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
