I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I still have a little drunk in my system
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
