i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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