I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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