just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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