He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
