I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wear drunk well.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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