I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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