Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
